


Inevitable

by sciencebluefeelings



Series: Baby Spock Prime AU [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Human Genitalia, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:27:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21922156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebluefeelings/pseuds/sciencebluefeelings
Summary: Spock tries to leave. Jim tries to let him go.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock Prime, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Series: Baby Spock Prime AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569691
Comments: 24
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

  
  


“I’m home,” Jim calls, opening the door. “Spock?”

“Hey.” The young Vulcan smiles up at Jim from the couch before returning his attention to his screen. 

Jim kicks off his shoes before striding over to smack an obnoxious kiss to Spock’s temple, feeling smug satisfaction when Spock finally tips his head up for a proper kiss. “Hi, love. What're you watching?”

“Porn.” Skin tones fill his screen. Jim pauses.

The porn itself is nothing new. They’ve even watched porn together once or twice. But this is the first time Jim’s seen Spock watching something with a dynamic where one of the actors is restrained and clearly in distress.

The actor pulls at the rope, their cries muffled by a gag as another actor forces them to orgasm with a vibrator between spread thighs. Jim suddenly has to fight the urge to cover Spock’s eyes.

Spock's gaze slides towards Jim, then at his own hands. “I think I'd like you to try tying me up during sex.”

“No.”

Spock looks taken aback by the instant response. Jim feels a slight twinge of guilt, but ignores it.

“No?” Spock echoes.

“You heard me the first time.”

“Why?” Spock sounds affronted, and with good reason. Jim's always been willing to listen before, to discuss and negotiate before they made a decision about sex or anything.

But this is different. “ _Why?_ You're seriously asking me why?” There’s no way Jim’s bringing up Tarsus IV and the signs of distress that had lingered on Spock’s body.

Even to this day, Spock flinches when Jim moves too fast under the covers or touches the skin between his shoulder blades.

“Jim, we both know you wouldn't hurt me.”

Jim pointedly avoids looking at the screen. “Can't you watch something else?”

Spock ignores him.

The weird atmosphere carries over into dinner. Spock fidgets with his spoon before speaking, avoiding eye contact. “I'm applying for a job at the new warehouse on T’gal Street. You know where that is, right?”

“Since when were you looking for a job?” Jim frowns. “Besides, you can't drive.”

“I can drive the hovercycle.”

“Every day?”

“It's only a ten-minute commute, Jim, for the love of Surak. I’ve driven both of us way longer than that.”

Jim puts down his spoon. “You don't feel obligated to do this, do you?”

“What, you think I should just sit around in here forever? I want to do this.”

“Are you even qualified to apply for that job?”

Spock tenses. “You’re being awfully dismissive, you know that?”

“Dismissive? That's not what I meant and you know it.”

Spock glares. “Why are you acting like this? I'm not your fucking kid.”

A multitude of emotions bubble up from hearing those pointed words. Jim shrugs exaggeratedly. “You want it so much, then do it.”

Spock watches warily as Jim gets up. “You mean that?”

“It means do what you want. Whatever.” Jim goes into the kitchen. Maybe the treatment is petty, but Jim’s truly hurt. Does Spock not trust him to take care of them?

Spock is still sitting at the dinner table as Jim goes to the shower, the unpleasant emotions of their confrontation still swirling inside him.

He still feels disquieted as he tries to read in bed. Spock is late in joining him under the covers, silently lying down next to him, hair still not properly dried. He's pointedly turned his body away.

Jim puts aside his book and sighs. “Lights off.” He lies down facing Spock, and dares to stroke a hand up his shoulder, resting his fingers on Spock’s bare neck. 

Spock turns to bury his face into Jim’s chest, wrapping an arm around him.

Jim’s breath hitches. “Spock. I’m sorry.”

“You should be, you asshole.” Spock’s voice is soft.

The last thing Jim remembers before falling asleep is Spock’s hand curling around his before letting go.

Things go back to normal after that. Maybe it's denial, maybe Jim's a dumbass, but he lets himself forget that night. 

Until the day he gets back from work and sees Spock waiting at the opened door. Spock’s never done that before.

Jim greets him with a kiss. “What's this about?”

“I have something to show you.” Spock carefully offers Jim a large white envelope, worn at the edges. It’s already opened.

Jim slowly slides out the thick paper inside and reads. The pit in his stomach gets wider and wider.

Jim breathes in and looks at Spock. His calm tone is forced. “Who helped you?”

“Captain Spock and Bones.” Spock looks uncomfortable for the first time. “Don’t get mad at them, Jim. Please.”

Jim tosses the university acceptance letter on the table. “You went behind my back? You should've trusted me with this, Spock.”

Spock straightens his back, eyes turbulent but full of a familiar stubbornness. “We both know if I'd told you, you would’ve interfered somehow. This is something I needed to do on my own.”

“Is it so wrong that I want to be involved in your life?” Jim folds his arms. “How did you get the necessary credentials?”

“I already had them! I applied and took the test. Captain Spock and Bones just explained how to find it.”

“And where would you be living?”

“In the dormitory like all the other students?”

The spike of jealousy makes Jim see red. “With a roommate? Seriously? Who?”

Spock sounds more hurt than upset now. “Jim! What the fuck?”

Jim laughs without humor. “You really have some nerve to leave like this.”

“I’m not - it’s not like I’m leaving forever! I’m not even gonna be gone for more than five years, and-”

Jim isn’t listening. He storms into the bedroom and grabs a pillow. He goes back to the main room to toss it into Spock’s face with far more force than necessary. “Fold out the couch bed yourself.” Jim slams the bedroom door closed.

It’s been more fights in one month than the entirety of the year before.

Jim doesn’t sleep the entire night, and he drags himself out of bed early the next morning to go to Spock.

Spock is awake, sitting in the blankets of the couch bed. His legs are pressed against his bare chest. He doesn’t look at Jim.

Jim wants to apologize. The words are on the edge of his lips. But he’s still hurt by Spock’s deception. Jim wants to hear him apologize first, for once.

Spock speaks in a low voice. “I want to take a break in our relationship when I go to university.”

Jim stands in the darkness, wide-eyed and still.

“I want to look normal at university.” Spock tilts his head up, and his tone becomes wry. “Having a forty-eight-year-old boyfriend constantly contacting me wouldn't exactly be ‘normal’.”

Spock gets up to brush past Jim to the bathroom. Jim wants to grab Spock and yell at him again. He wants to tell Spock to just say he’s done with Jim and wants to move on. 

Jim doesn’t say anything.

As long as he doesn’t say anything, maybe they can pretend it really will be just a break.

After that, Spock sleeps in their bed again, but they still avoid talking to each other.

Bones looks worried during his video calls with Jim. He doesn't make jokes anymore.

“Some independence is good for him, Jim. Look, he has the chance to do something he couldn't do properly before. You know he was receiving limited educational opportunities in his reality?”

Jim is startled by this new information. “He never told me.”

Bones sighs. “His reality’s Starfleet required parental permission for a lot of things, which was hard for Spock because he didn’t have a legal guardian.”

Jim's gloom deepens. “I should've noticed. He had been spending so much time with me here, when he was younger.”

Bones leans closer. “Jim. He’s lost his youth. Now he has time to do what he missed out on.”

God, Jim knows. He wants Spock to have that opportunity. And yet - “I don’t want to let go of him, Bones.”

Bones huffs. “Yeah. But he’s gonna do what he’s gonna do, and we should do the hard thing and support him.”

Jim toys with his shot glass. “Love’s never easy.”

“No one said it ever was.”

The day Spock leaves for university, Jim insists to at least drive Spock to the starship station. With luggage crammed into the minuscule trunk, they depart from their home. Spock quietly sits in the passenger seat next to Jim, looking out the window. The radio is not tuned to any particular channel, and the soft buzz fills the background.

Spock breaks the silence. His voice is soft. “Are you still mad at me, Jim?”

Jim lets out a breath. Keeping his eyes on the road, he lets one hand reach out to rest on the back of Spock’s neck, caressing the smooth nape. “Oh, love. Never.”

Spock is stiff under his touch. “Don't lie for my sake. You were mad. You’re still mad now.”

“I swear I'm not lying about being mad at you, Spock.” _I'm mad at myself for not being good enough._

Spock deserves so much more, deserves better. Jim never would’ve let a person like him be with Spock. 

They arrive at the bustling port all too soon. Jim and Spock get out of the hovercar. Jim doesn’t know what gate Spock is going to, or which ship he’s departing on. He’s going to have to trust that Spock knows what he’s doing.

Jim watches Spock’s expression, nervous but full of anticipation. It looks perfect on him.

Jim has never wanted to kiss someone so badly.

Spock adjusts his backpack and grips the handle of his carry-on tightly in one gloved hand. He hesitantly stands in front of Jim. “See you soon, right?”

Jim pulls Spock into a tight hug, praying he won’t pull away from his touch. He doesn’t. 

Jim swallows. “I’m really proud of you, love. I never told you before, and I should’ve. I’m so proud of you.” He can’t make it to the end of the sentence before his voice breaks. He laughs, but he can already feel the tears welling up. “Fuck, this is embarrassing.” 

“Oh my gosh.” Spock laughs. “Don’t cry. That’ll make me cry, too.” Now Spock is on the verge of tears. Jim caves. He carefully tugs the young man's neck down and presses his lips to the corner of one upturned eyebrow.

Jim says softly, “Stay safe, Spock. That's all I ask.” 

“I will.” Spock doesn't move.

Jim forces himself to let go, caressing Spock’s gloved hands before drawing away.

Spock strides through the doors into the building. He doesn’t look back. 

The first week is the roughest.

Jim’s lost count of the number of times he’s picked up his comm to call Spock, or text him something mundane or silly, only to remember - he's not supposed to do that anymore.

The house feels so empty. The worst part is being in the bedroom at night. There’s no other individual turning on the water in the bathroom, occupying the bedsheets, adding his weight to the mattress. No melodic voice that whispers and laughs and makes small noises of indignation or happiness.

Jim manages to fall asleep with the local radio channel turned on, broadcasting the forecast and daily news.

It’s too quiet. 

Jim’s still mad at Bones and Captain Spock, even more so when he learns Spock is contacting them while he's at university, but Jim concedes to frequent after-dinner calls with them. He can tell it’s their way of apologizing. Besides, Jim knows someday he might be able to thank them for helping Spock while Jim was just holding him back.

Their conversation is easy, with an endless trove of stories - there’s never a dull moment for the _Enterprise_. Jim restrains himself to asking how Spock is doing only twice per call.

Jim finds himself spending less time in the empty house, an ongoing reminder of Spock’s absence, and returning more attention to the Vulcan libraries. He’s forgotten the soothing routine of sorting and organizing and reshelving.

The head supervisor is amused to see Jim back, and says a proverb in Vulcan about misery and company before sending him off to scan documents.

Maybe misery loves company, but Jim feels more grounded being surrounded by the enthusiastically-working Vulcans. By letting his relationship with Spock take complete priority, he hasn’t had any opportunities to mingle with the Vulcan volunteers, or even with his coworkers. It’s almost like a reluctant breath of fresh air.

Jim still misses Spock terribly and wishes he would come back for the semester break, but the distance has been good for Jim. No doubt it’s been good for Spock, too.

The university’s break has ended and the next semester has begun when Jim gets a comm call in the middle of work.

It’s from the university. Jim frowns and picks up. “Hello?”

“Jim Kirk? You are listed as Spock’s primary contact, correct?”

“Yes,” Jim says slowly. “Is something wrong?”

“The student is stable now, however there has been an incident and we have agreed with the student that the best option is for you to be present as soon as possible.”

Jim’s heart jumps to his throat, and he doesn’t recognize his voice. “I’ll be on the next flight there.”

The instructions Jim receives on his comm guide him through the campus to the medical center. Jim forces himself to take deep breaths as he approaches Spock’s room.

Spock whimpers when Jim walks through the door and leaps into his arms.

“Oh, Spock.” Jim hugs him closer before he notices movement in the corner of his eye. He realizes there is a man getting up from a chair next to the bed.

Before Jim can speak, Spock kisses Jim deeply. His tart-sweet mouth has gone flavorless.

Bewildered, Jim watches Spock pant into his slack mouth. His eyes are still squeezed shut.

The man behind Spock is speaking. “Hello, Mr. Kirk. You can call me Grier. I’m one of the special operations managers at this university.”

“Uh, hello.” Jim tries to focus on him as Spock keeps squirming into Jim.

The operations manager offers Jim a seat on the bed, completely unfazed by the proceedings. Jim cautiously sits down, still holding Spock in his arms. Spock climbs up and curls against Jim’s chest, nuzzling his face into Jim’s neck. Jim has to resist the urge to do the same. He wonders if the enticing draw towards Spock is from his long absence, or from something else.

The operations manager pulls out a PADD and explains, “I’m here to briefly inform you of what happened. Spock was involved in a minor incident. The location was a lecture room, fortunately. The student was able to receive immediate assistance.”

“What happened?”

“According to the other students, it occurred very swiftly. In the middle of the professor’s lecture, the classmate sitting next to Spock attempted to mount him.”

Jim feels a surge of terror despite Spock being unharmed and right there in his lap.

“We immediately separated Spock from the other students to protect him. He has already requested medical leave to handle this issue. He is excelling in all his courses. The temporary leave should not severely affect him.”

Despite the circumstances, Jim feels a small swell of pride upon hearing that Spock’s been doing well. Spock hesitates, as if he heard Jim’s feelings through their skin.

The operations manager stands, and Spock flinches, pressing closer to Jim. “Spock requested two weeks, so if he requires more time, please let me know. I will immediately arrange for a longer period of leave.”

“Thank you, Grier.” Jim watches the operations manager close the door behind him before turning his attention back to Spock.

“I’m sorry,” Spock whispers.

“Why? It's not your fault.”

“But it kinda is?”

“No. Stop.” Jim gently holds Spock’s face between his hands and kisses him on the forehead, and Spock smiles helplessly. A surge of protectiveness overwhelms Jim’s senses.

Spock's smile falls. “Jim, I thought you said it’s seven years.”

Jim's stomach twists. “It’s definitely pon farr?”

“It feels the same.” Spock grimaces. “It hasn't been seven years yet, but -” Spock arches into Jim with a groan. “ _Fuck._ I hate this.” There are tears in his voice.

Jim pushes Spock onto the bed and kicks off his shoes to crawl on top of him. He presses his entire body over Spock’s, his forearms framed around Spock’s head in a possessive gesture.

Jim wants to keep going, wants to pull off every scrap of clothing, press against soft flesh and leave marks with his teeth.

He doesn’t. For a while they breathe together like that, with Jim resting his body weight on Spock, feeling the younger man's heartbeat calm down and body gradually relax. 

Jim close his eyes and rests his forehead on the mattress. “Is that better? Are you okay?”

“Lot better.” Spock’s chest expands as he takes a long breath. 

Jim pulls back to look into those dark eyes. “How bad is it?”

“Not too bad, now that you’re here.” Spock blinks. “I can sense it - for some reason. The blood fever won’t occur for another sixty-two hours.”

“Okay. That’s more than enough time.” Now that the initial wave of desire has waned, Jim is starting to worry. Neither was expecting pon farr to happen again for a while. They aren't prepared at all. “You want to go back to New Vulcan?” _To home._ “Do you think you can handle the trip?”

Spock nods before pulling Jim back on top of him, and Jim concedes without any resistance. Spock buries his face into Jim’s chest. “Jim, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I’ve been hiding something from you.”

“What?” Jim is alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I bonded to Kodos,” Spock whispers. “When he touched me, it felt like something slid into place inside my mind. I’m not sure what it was.”

Jim eases himself to lie on the small bed next to Spock and pull him into another hug, soothing him.

“Jim, I'm scared.” Spock grips Jim’s shirt. “What if Kodos is the only one that can keep me from dying?”

Jim feels a stab of fear in his chest at the thought that this Spock will also be lost to him because of inescapable biology.

Spock’s voice is very small. “Ambassador Spock died from pon farr, right?”

“Well,” Jim says roughly, “If I’d known, things would’ve turned out very differently. You’re not going to die.”


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing they do once they reach New Vulcan is go to a Vulcan healer.

The healer retracts her worn hand from Spock’s sweaty forehead. “ _Your cycle appears shorter than ours. Whether it is from your personal physiology or the result of the alternate reality, I cannot say for sure._ ”

The smell of incense is overwhelming. Jim shakes his head and leans closer to his lover. He replies, also in Vulcan, “ _We shared each other’s company for many years before his first pon farr occurred._ ”

“ _Yes, and you two formed a very strong bond during the time you did so. I did not need to reach into your mind to feel so. It is already prominent in his._ ” Jim’s breath hitches.

“What’s she saying, Jim?” Spock asks warily, opening his eyes.

“We’re already bonded.”

“Really?”

“Hold on, Spock. _Healer, then what was it he felt when he was forced to be intimate with another due to pon farr?_ ”

“ _There is a high probability that it was a temporary bond to enable the young one’s survival._ ” Her gaze on Jim is sharp. “ _In this reality, the fire between bondmates burns intense and brief. One has a slim chance to escape the fires if the presence is substituted with an alternative, but the trials burn for much longer._ ”

Tears well up in Jim’s eyes upon the realization that he might have unintentionally hurt Spock more by prolonging his pon farr.

“Jim?” Spock looks with uncertainty at Jim’s frozen expression. 

The Vulcan healer gestures behind her. “ _If you would prefer it, there are quarters within confined chambers that we can provide access to,_ ” she offers. “ _You will be monitored and assistance will be readily accessible should you require it in any form._ ”

Jim turns to his lover. “Spock? Should we stay here or go?”

“Home,” he says immediately. 

“Are - are you sure?” Jim looks from the healer to Spock. “I don't know if I can take care of you properly by myself, Spock.”

Spock closes his eyes again. “Home, Jim. Please.”

So they depart.

It’s still a long while from when Spock predicted he would go into blood fever, but it gets more and more difficult to travel as they get closer to home.

By the time they get inside their house and Jim slams the door shut, Spock is breathing unsteadily and rutting against Jim’s thigh.

Jim pushes aside Spock’s luggage and tries to move away from the door, but Spock growls and pins Jim’s upper arms to the warm wood with superior strength. He runs his lips up and down the length of Jim’s jawline before resting them on Jim’s neck. When Spock shudders, Jim feels the tremor throughout his entire body. Spock groans. “Fuck me, Jim, _fuck_ , I need your cock in me.”

“Spock, no.” A chill goes down Jim’s spine. “I’m not doing that. We already agreed we're never doing that again.” 

“Don’t make me beg.”

“Spock.” Jim pushes Spock back to try to make stern eye contact, but Spock is averting his gaze. “Spock, this isn’t me wanting you to beg. Do you remember what you told me? ‘No toys, no fingers, nothing. No penetration whatsoever.’ Right now you’re asking for something I know you'll really regret later.”

Spock doesn’t look like he’s heard anything. Jim suppresses the frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “Spock. I’m going to ask you exactly three times.” Jim speaks slowly and clearly. “Do you want to have anal sex?”

“Yes.”

“Spock, take a deep breath and think before you speak,” Jim pleads. He takes a shaky breath. “Do you want me to penetrate you?”

There’s a hint of a pause in Spock’s response this time. “Yes.”

“Are you really sure?”

Jim can see Spock physically struggling to decide. His ragged breathing fills the hallway. “I’m not sure,” Spock finally whispers.

Jim sighs with relief. He wouldn’t have actually gone through with it if Spock had asked, but hearing Spock’s hesitation is an immense relief. He runs his hands under Spock’s shirt, up the length of his back. “I promise I’ll make you feel good in other ways. Okay?”

Spock leans against Jim. “Okay,” he mumbles.

“What do you need now?”

“Tired.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s been a long trip.” Jim helps Spock take off his shoes before removing his own. Jim takes his luggage and leads the way to their bedroom. 

He helps Spock onto the canopy bed and strokes his cheek. Spock lies on his side, his fingers flexing towards Jim. Jim wraps his hand around Spock's, projecting comfort as best as he can. 

The fingers in Jim’s grasp gradually relax. Jim shouldn’t be surprised by how quickly Spock falls asleep, but he can’t help feeling worried as he watches Spock’s slack face.

Jim grabs his PADD and goes back to the main living space. He sits heavily on a couch and calls Bones.

“Fuck, Jim. This better be good.” Bones winces against the bright light of the screen, blinking sleep out of his eyes. He’s in bed and shirtless.

Jim hears the sound of ruffling sheets. “Leonard?” 

Bones sighs and looks next to him. “It’s Jim.”

“Bones,” Jim says urgently. “How much do you know about pon farr?”

Captain Spock makes a funny sound. Bones’ eyes go wide and he glances at his husband.

Spock comes on-screen, thankfully wearing a shirt. “How do you know about pon farr?” he demands.

Jim bites his lip, voice suddenly hushed. “Ambassador - it was how he died. I found out in the video he made for me.”

Spock’s eyes are full of pain. Bones hasn’t stopped looking at his husband.

Jim keeps talking. “And now Spock is going into pon farr prematurely - or it might be the regular cycle of his universe. I don't know how much you know about what happened in his universe, but he had a traumatic first pon farr, and I want to make this as easy as possible for him.”

“You are bonded, are you not? Has he gone into blood fever?” Spock asks.

“No.”

“Care for his needs. Minimize the number of sensations. That includes staying as clean as possible through the ordeal, offering the younger one body-temperature water and bland Vulcan fruits when he requires sustenance. The fruits have been farmed specifically for the Vulcan palette during pon farr.”

Spock recites a list which Jim carefully writes down to enter into the replicator. Spock also mentions a Vulcan plant that would be a suitable alternative to stronger, synthesized bath products.

“Thanks. Thank you so much. I’m so sorry to bother you two.” Jim guiltily realizes Bones and the captain might be up for the rest of the night now, worrying about them.

Bones merely shakes his head. “Call us when it’s over.”

“I will.”

They all say goodnight and end the call. Jim immediately gets up to begin programming the replicator.

While the code is compiling, Jim locates the booklet that the Vulcan healers provided him with. He squints at the Vulcan script filling the page before giving up and finding his reading glasses. 

He hates them. Every time he wears them, he feels ten times older. Spock had laughed and called him ‘sexy old librarian’ every time he caught Jim wearing them, but Jim keeps them stored out of sight whenever he can. 

The booklet contains detailed information about Vulcan erogenous zones during pon farr, which apparently function differently than during their normal non-mating states. The diagrams are as difficult to decipher as the text.

Jim shakes his head and plows on. One would think a society would design more helpful resources for a biological phenomenon that could potentially lead to their death.

Spock is still in a fitful state of rest when Jim slips back into the room, carrying supplies and blankets. He has raised the heat above their compromised temperature already. Jim puts the blankets on the bed next to Spock and most of the supplies to the bathroom. He returns to sit on the edge of the bed, and he begins to remove Spock's jacket.

Spock opens his eyes.

“Hi, love.” Jim kisses Spock’s knuckles before putting his arm back down. “Sorry for waking you.”

Spock just blinks and allows Jim to fully unclothe him. The outer sheath between his opened thighs is loose and flushed a darker color than the rest of his skin. “Jim - what?”

“I’m taking care of your needs, as prescribed by Captain Spock and the nice pon farr official documentation from the healers. So indulge me.” Jim helps Spock up and guides him to the bathroom. 

Spock looks thoroughly unconvinced. “Sure, the official documentation.” 

The prepared hot bath smells faintly like lemon. Jim undresses and steps in first so that Spock can comfortably recline against his chest between his legs. “Yup, official documentation. You’d better believe me. I had to get my glasses out for that damn booklet.”

Spock chuckles. “The sexy old librarian ones?”

“Yep.” Jim nuzzles Spock's grimy neck and scoops water in his hands, letting it rinse Spock's chest and shoulders and back.

Spock becomes subdued. “It always ends up like this,” he murmurs, letting his fingers skim the surface of the water.

“What?”

“Nothing. Touch me?”

Jim runs his hands up Spock’s sides, massages the aromatic water into Spock's skin, lightly massaging all his limbs and back. Spock moans faintly as Jim's hand rubs his chest, grazing over the erect nipples. There's definitely more muscle definition under there, and Jim can't resist squeezing. Spock lets out a breath that’s almost like a laugh.

Jim warns Spock to tilt his head forward and close his eyes before soaking his hair. Jim wets his own hair before reaching for the synthesized Vulcan soap leaf. At first, he had been shocked by the plant Captain Spock recommended - it looks like aloe, but bright red sap pours from the cracked leaf. It looks exactly like human blood, but Vulcans probably wouldn’t hold such connotations with their own yellow-tinted blood.

Jim takes a leaf now and breaks it over Spock's back, biting his lip at the gruesome image. 

“What the fuck. Is that blood?” Spock says in shock. “Why's it turning clear?”

Sure enough, as the sap drips down, it curiously melts into the water a clear color. Jim pours more water onto Spock and rubs the sap in. “It's plant soap, dear.”

“Oh. Silly me, of course it was.” Mixed with water, the sap turns clear and viscous. Jim breaks another leaf to lather Spock's hair, then thoroughly washes his own upper body. He rinses them both off with the detachable showerhead.

Jim takes the sap of another leaf and dips a hand into the water over Spock's sheath. Spock's breaths are quickening. “Fuck.”

“Is that okay? Should I stop?”

Spock’s head rests back on Jim’s shoulder. “It's - _fuck!_ ” He twitches into Jim's hand. “It feels - please don't stop Jim, please-”

Jim dips his fingers between the relaxed folds and Spock’s muttering tapers into a bitten-off moan. It feels like what the diagrams had illustrated - the inner slit is tightly sealed, but three small glands have swollen on each fold, symmetrical from top to bottom. Jim rubs one and Spock squeezes his trembling thighs together. Jim can feel the slick discharge on his fingers even as the water of the bathtub rinses it away.

“Jim,” Spock whimpers. Jim experimentally presses up on the inner fold with a cupped hand. He forces his hand much harder than how he normally would touch Spock, and Spock’s sheathed erection instantly springs up to ejaculate into his palm.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Spock repeats, sounding wrecked. His cock slips back inside him. “Jim, what did you just do?”

“According to the booklet, it’s the quickest way to bring release.”

“I feel better already,” Spock says in awe. “The pressure’s gone. This might be over in hours, not months.”

“Because that’s how it’s actually supposed to fucking be, dear.” Jim carefully finishes washing Spock. “Why don’t you dry yourself off while I finish cleaning?” Spock reluctantly gets out and Jim washes himself with newly-synthesized unscented wash. As the bath drains, he uses the shower to rinse off completely, making sure to gargle as well. 

Spock is wrapped in Jim’s bathrobe as he watches Jim dry off. When Jim offers the hairdryer, he refuses.

They return to the bedroom and Spock notices the blankets Jim brought for the first time. Jim spreads the blankets over the covers, planning to use them to protect the covers and mattress. Spock runs his fingers across the plush fabric. “They feel different.”

“Yeah. I replicated some Vulcan birthing blankets.” 

Spock looks at the bed, wary. “I can't get pregnant, right?”

“No,” Jim laughs. “Not you. But you're going to be extra sensitive. The blankets will reduce a lot of extra stimuli. They're not as good as the authentic things but they'll work.”

Spock climbs on top of the nest of blankets and lets his bare hand run over the fine texture. “Kids are okay, I guess, but I don't want my own.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. All Spocks can't handle babies.”

Spock huffs out a laugh.

Jim turns back towards the door. “Computer, set room to privacy mode to be disengaged only by myself or Spock.”

Spock’s motionless as the lock audibly clicks. Jim makes a show of pushing at the door, attempting to pry it open. Jim nods at Spock. “It'll only be you and me, Spock. No one's getting into our room. You're safe in here.”

Spock takes in a shaky breath. “That's - that's good.” He seems to crumple into himself as he wraps his arms around his torso, and his voice breaks. “That’s good, Jim.”

Startled, Jim kneels onto the bed and reaches out to Spock. For all his forced promiscuity, Spock has been able to stay clinically detached to some degree - until now. 

Jim didn’t realize how deeply his promise would affect the younger man. The extent of his turbulent emotions are all spilling out on full display to Jim.

Jim closes the canopy bed drapes and kisses away Spock’s falling tears in the darkened envelopment of the curtains. “Based on what you’ve told me, I’m going to guess you stay cognizant, not like the Vulcans of this universe. It’s like they fall unconscious and then wake up.”

“I wish that was the case for me.” Spock’s voice is ragged. Jim watches Spock remove the bathrobe and push it aside. “I was still aware of everything that was happening - how bright the room was - how exposed I was to the others brought in to watch us.” Spock’s legs wrap around Jim’s torso to drag him closer. “God, shut me up. I can’t stop running my fucking mouth.”

“Spock.” Jim wonders how much of his own pain, his fondness and longing, is being projected and how much Spock can read it. “You know I love listening to you. And - and I haven’t been able to do much of it the past couple months.”

Spock shakes his head and pulls Jim into a kiss, graceless and sloppy with a hint of teeth. Jim shudders and follows Spock’s rhythm, nipping at his lips until they are hot and flushed.

Spock pushes Jim back and rubs the crease of Jim’s inner thighs with his thumbs. Jim pushes into the touch, panting and gasping. He had almost forgotten Spock’s clever hands and deft movements.

The hands slide up Jim’s sides with initial hesitation, but when Jim doesn’t move to stop him, Spock’s movements turn bolder. He rubs Jim’s nipples in maddening circles, pinching them with varying degrees of pressure. Spock’s gaze is unwavering as Jim trembles and groans above him. 

Spock’s fingers retreat down between his own thighs. Jim bites his lip and keeps his hands firmly planted on the bed above Spock’s shoulders. Spock gathers a copious amount of slick and drags his hand up Jim’s erect cock without warning. Jim curses and thrusts into the touch.

The touch retracts. Jim tries to rut forward again, but Spock moves back his hand in time to Jim’s movement. In desperation, Jim tries to grind down onto Spock’s thigh, but strong Vulcan hands grip his hips, preventing him from moving.

“Aren’t you supposed to really badly need sex right now,” Jim bites out, adjusting his knees to spread them wider. It doesn’t work - Spock is easily holding up his weight. Spock stares steadily up at him.

“. . . Please?” Jim feels his face flush darkly. For all his adventures in the bedroom, Jim’s never been the one begging. Jim always indulged Spock without holding back, and Spock would reciprocate in turn.

He’s never demanded compliance from Jim like this before.

Spock’s hand returns to loosely cup his erection, only adding to Jim’s building arousal.

Jim’s breath hitches. “Fuck, Spock, please.” The initial self consciousness is giving way to louder, more wanton pleas. “I need you to fuck me, need you to touch, _please-_ ”

Jim stutters out a groan as Spock’s hand moves, languid around his balls and up his length. The moment Jim stops talking, Spock stops. Jim anticipates Spock to tire of this game quickly, but he doesn’t let up.

Jim loses track of time, blinded by his infuriating arousal. His throat is hoarse. A drop of sweat slides down Jim’s nose as he tries to grind down in vain again. Spock still holds him back firmly.

“Don't stop, please don’t tease me anymore, _fuck_ ,” Jim begs, canting his hips as Spock fists Jim’s cock with lubricated fingers. “I’ll do anything! _Please_ , just - fuck! Fuck, touch me, _Spock-_ ” Spock moves faster, and Jim buries his face into the crook of Spock’s neck, muffling the noise in the back of his throat as he comes hard.

He can feel his chest heaving for breath, but all that Jim can hear is his heartbeat amidst the roaring in his ears.

Spock whispers, “I was afraid I’d start crying if I turned to look back at you, the day I left for university. And then when I walked through the station doors, I thought I might start crying regardless.”

“Oh, Spock.” Jim tries to kiss him.

Spock turns his face away. “Everyday, you love me like you need me to get out of your system.” His hand hasn’t left from where it cups between Jim’s legs, intimate and possessive all at once. “It’s - how much longer until you’re finally sick of me, Jim?” Spock’s eyes are glossy with unshed tears. “I’m just a needy parasite that you always end up having to take care of, how can you love me that much?

“Spock, my actions have nothing to do with you.” Jim tilts Spock’s chin up and kisses him. He runs his lips further down to Spock’s neck, his collarbone, the hair of his chest. “That’s all me and my weakness. I’m a selfish bastard, and I know I’m smothering you.”

Jim drags his tongue down to Spock’s sheath, as flavorless as his mouth. Spock cries out, arching his back.

“I’m so fucking scared you’ll leave me, because I need you. I know that I need you way more than is healthy, and I don’t give a damn.” Jim spreads Spock’s thighs wider, and tongues at the glands of the inner slit. The slick pours out, gloriously messy on his tongue and lips and chin, dripping to the blankets below.

He flicks at a gland with the tip of his tongue and Spock’s thighs clench. “Jim - it feels-” Spock moans, and the sound goes straight to Jim’s groin despite the recent orgasm. “Doesn’t hurt at all - so good-”

Jim sighs and presses a lingering kiss to Spock’s inner thigh. He runs a soothing hand between Spock’s lower back and the blankets beneath. Jim might not have a Vulcan’s memory, but he’ll never forget those bruises as long as he lives. 

Spock stills as Jim caresses his skin holding the ghosts of memories. Spock brings his hands to lovingly stroke Jim’s nape, smoothing the hairs there.

Jim returns his attention to Spock’s prone slit. He laps at the folds before spreading his lips as round and open as possible, using his thumbs to spread the outer folds. Similar to how he used his hand in the bath, Jim presses down hard on the inner slit with his opened mouth. Spock curses loudly as his cock slides into Jim’s waiting mouth.

Spock usually dry orgasms during sex, so it’s the first time Jim has tasted his ejaculate. It’s tart without a hint of sweetness.

Jim chases the taste as the cock retracts into its sheath. Spock cries out as Jim presses his mouth hard against the inner slit again, encouraging Spock to come a second time. He lets his tongue caress the underside of the unsheathed cock.

Spock groans and pushes away Jim’s shoulders with slack arms as Jim noses at his pubic hair, wondering if he can make Spock come a third time. Jim relents and sits up, wiping at his mouth. The viscous fluids coat his fingers and palms.

Spock pants for air, limbs splayed out on the bed. Then he huffs out a laugh. “It’s been a while.”

Jim can’t help smirking as he puts his head down next to his lover’s. “What? You sore, too?” Spock bats Jim away with a soft laugh, but Jim persists, leaning closer into him. “At least I have an excuse for the sore muscles. I’m the old man, here, not you.” Jim kisses Spock and pauses.

He already tastes sweet again.

Spock doesn’t seem to notice. His breaths are already slowing, his entire body relaxed.

“Spock, don’t fall asleep yet.” Spock always gets really wet during sex, but his slick from pon farr is even more profusely liberal.

Spock grumbles something in response that Jim doesn’t catch.

Jim moves Spock to the other side of the bed with gentle hands and straddles his legs. Keeping his tongue soft, he cleans Spock’s thighs with careful lapping. He pulls up one of Spock’s knees to suck at his drenched slit. Spock doesn’t respond, breathing deep and steady. Jim fondly shakes his head and leaves the bed to bring more proper supplies to clean him off.

By the time he returns, Jim is convinced Spock has fallen asleep. He wipes Spock off and tucks him under the dry blankets, bundling up the birthing blankets to toss into the wash. Jim decides to take a quick sonic shower. He gets dressed before sending Bones a text.

Jim returns to bed, his hand almost reluctant to pull back the drapes. 

Of course Spock is still there where Jim left him. His presence in the bed is absolute and unreserved - his scent, his breaths, the weight of his slightly cooler flesh pressing down on the mattress.

Jim lies down above the blankets and presses his nose to Spock’s nape. He closes his eyes and tries to memorize the sensation of trimmed hair under his lips, the curve of Spock’s body under Jim’s arm.

Jim keeps his arm loosely draped and doesn’t pull Spock closer. 

Jim wakes abruptly to someone straddling him.

Spock chuckles. “Just me, old man. Damn, have I really been gone that long?”

“Spock.” Jim’s eyes are wide. He looks in bewilderment up and down at Spock sitting in his lap. “You’re okay? On top?”

“It’ll be fine,” Spock promises. He bends down to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Just don’t touch my hair or penetrate me. Same rules.”

Jim’s hands flutter from Spock’s bare skin to the blankets. “What should I do?”

“Touch me?”

That’s how they spend their morning. Spock’s movements are playful with none of the urgency of pon farr, or the hesitation of lingering trauma. Jim watches with a tight throat as Spock climaxes, his face full of bliss. Jim kisses Spock and he tastes even sweeter than the night before. There’s no ejaculate when he comes.

“I think it’s over,” Spock says.

“I guess your equivalent of pon farr isn’t as intense, but more frequent.” Jim massages the tension in the back of Spock’s neck.

Spock leans into the touch with a bright smile.

As he showers, Jim goes downstairs to prepare breakfast. His heart is close to bursting from the simple gesture of preparing for two, instead of just himself.

Spock is taking a while to come down. Jim is about to go looking for him when Spock calls from the living room, “Jim, I have a favor to ask.” Jim raises his eyebrows and follows his voice. He stops abruptly.

Spock nervously picks at the hem of his oversized t-shirt as he sits on the unfolded couch bed.

Jim leans on the wall, speechless for a moment as he is overwhelmed by the memories. “God. I was being such a stupid asshole that night.” 

Spock makes eye contact with him. “I’m sorry for not trusting you before.”

“I’m so sorry for treating you like that, Spock. You never deserved it.” Jim joins Spock on the bed and presses into him with a tight hug. Spock sighs shakily and leans into Jim’s warmth.

“Wait here. I’ll bring breakfast.” Spock raises his eyebrow as Jim goes back into the kitchen to bring two bowls. Spock tries to take one, but Jim moves his hand out of reach. “It’s customary to be fed by the mate during pon farr.”

“I’m not in pon farr anymore,” Spock laughs.

“Maybe not,” Jim acquiesces, settling onto the couch bed next to Spock. “But the aftereffects can linger as long as pon farr itself.” Jim selects a light yellow segment of fruit and holds it up between two fingers. Spock accepts the fruit with half-closed eyes. 

Jim feeds Spock different fruit, attempting to gauge his reaction to each. Spock seems to appreciate every one, with soft noises of satisfaction.

“I should feed you too, then,” Spock says. He takes a fruit and holds it to Jim’s lips. 

Without touching Spock’s hand, Jim slides the fruit into his mouth. The segments had felt neat and dry, but it bursts into juice. Jim swallows. “It tastes like water.”

“I thought it tasted like a really concentrated grape - with lime.”

“How about that one?” Jim looks at the sliver of fruit that Spock offers to him.

“Spicy, honey and watermelon but stronger.”

Jim tries the fruit. “Nope. Water.”

Spock chuckles. They finish the bowls of fruit in the same manner, alternating as they feed each other. The last segment bursts in Spock’s hand and Jim licks the water off every digit. Spock laughs. There’s no arousal, just contentment without a hint of anxiety left. It reminds Jim of the countless nights spent on this very bed. He presses a kiss to Spock’s palm before looking back at him and his radiant face. 

Vulcans of this world live to three hundred years of age. The Spock of this reality still looks like how he looked when Jim first met him at the academy. On the other hand, this Spock has visibly aged about the same rate as a human. Jim can see through the progression of photos taken together.

In the light of the morning sun, his slight figure and hunched shoulders are more prominent. At that moment, he looks very young.

Moments like this remind Jim that even if Spock won’t live as long as a Vulcan, Jim is still about three decades his senior, and will most certainly die before him.

Spock’s voice breaks Jim out of his thoughts. “I guess I won’t even need the entire leave I requested.” Spock’s eyes are wary as they look at Jim, waiting for his reaction.

Jim already has to let go of Spock again. Too soon. It’ll always be too soon.

Jim slides a hand into Spock’s and presses a kiss to his tart-sweet lips. “Tell me about your courses. I want to hear about what you’ve been doing.”

Spock’s eyes light up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading this hot mess sdhsdfjlk it was fun to write! Last chapter is a short epilogue


	3. Epilogue

McCoy paces across the carpet of their bedroom as Spock sits in bed, resting against the headboard. He’s reading a novel, a gift from Joanna, but it’s clear he’s distracted. He doesn’t read nearly as fast as he normally does.

They both jolt when McCoy’s comm notifies them of an incoming text.

McCoy whips the comm out from his pocket. “Baby Spock and Jim are okay.”  He sighs loudly, mirroring the slight exhale of his husband.  McCoy puts the comm down and returns to the bed with a soft smile. “It’s not like you to be so worried.”

“I had calculated the success of the copulation to be ninety-nine point nine repeating percent. There was no reason to be concerned for their welfare.”

McCoy shuffles under their comforter. “Hey, I didn’t make you stay up with me.”

“Vulcans require less sleep than humans. Furthermore, your pacing was noisy and obtrusive to my efforts to rest.”

“Mmhm. I love you too, hon.” McCoy stretches his arm across Spock’s shoulders, still feeling immense relief. Now that he knows Jim and Baby Spock got through pon farr, he knows they’ll easily be able to get through future ones. Spock rests his head on McCoy’s, projecting a similar sentiment through their skin.

McCoy toys with the wedding band on Spock’s ring finger. He ponders aloud, “Do you think we’ll ever tell Jim how we got together?” 

Spock moves the novel closer to his face, hiding his expression from view. The tips of his ears are adorably flushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! (or reaching the bottom of the page ^^) I appreciate all kudos and any form of comments! especially the ones w emoji spam 💖💖✨✨
> 
> If you liked this story, [you might like this kirk/spock prime fic with katra/reincarnation themes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635632)


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